Sunday, 31 August 2014

Visions,Dreams and "Brodas"

Hi guys!
How dey go dey go?
Hope your weekend is rocking. Mine was amazing sha.
So what's happening this Sunday? Church I guess.

I wish all you guys (and me) a great week. Just ignore Monday and you will be
 I have a Sundaylicious topic for you, and  when better to post it than on Sunday.
Its about the countless proposals and toasting I have received from some christian "brodas".

Now, A normal guy would ask you out with "i like you, you are pretty, you are this and that, lets date each other"
A Christian brother 'will be like "Sister Funmi, The Lord is leading me to you or  God said you are my wife or i had a vision" .
I can't call the ones that came to ask me out "brothers" cos their toasting mode get as e be. I doubt their brotherism.

So many many many years ago,a "broda" wouldn't have dared to toast me cos I didn't even attend church regularly. So there wouldn't have been a place to even have seen me talk less of asking out.
And even if they had managed to locate me I would have chased him away like a chicken. 
"Fearing God" was hardly an attribute I needed in a guy at that time. I was all about the guys toh bad gan.

But along the line, i started coming in contact with lots of brothers hence our story today. hehehe.

My first encounter was with Segun. He was tall and cute and a very brotherish broda.
When i met him he was a pastor in training, now he's been posted to head a church branch somewhere.
I met him at the cybercafe in UI one day and he fell in 'love'.
The guy was so annoying ehn,he practically made himself a pest.
He would come to my house,at times I won't open the gate,at times I would delegate my sister to tell him I was busy,but the guy no gree.
One day he brought yards of lace (the same material oh,as if we were engaged or married ) for both of us and came to give me my share.
I was like 'Are you crazy'? lol. He refused to leave with it so i took it and went to dash my grandmother.
Na him sabi.
Apparently he had heard from the Lord that I was his wife. He asked his pastor to confirm and the pastor too said I was his wife.
Toh! Is that so? Na serious matter be that.
I was baffled as to why God will give me away without telling me. Either before or after.
As far as i (Funmi) was concerned it wasn't possible therefore there was no way i was his wife.
I told him in as many languages as I could but till today,like four years later the guy still calls me.
He's always like "you are my wife se, you aren't going anywhere " and I am like 'better get a life. I can never ever marry you'.

The second one was my friend Nike's brother, Lolu .
She wanted me to date her brother badly so as to cement our friendship permanently by me becoming her sister in law. hehehehe.
I didn't fancy him at all at all but one day 2 years ago, he suddenly called me.
The dad had a vision or a dream and told Lolu that I was his wife.
He suddenly started calling me all the time, he came down to visit me and bearing gifts.

I was baffled again. Just how many men were receiving visions about me?
The God I know never hesitates to tell me stuff. Even mundane stuff wey no concern me.
So why wasn't I being told about this new "broda"?
He had such low self esteem that I knew I would spend all my years apologizing for my law degree,for my job, for my personality, for my life. I would always have to watch what i said so as not to hurt his feelings.
He was so ambitionless ehn! I knew I couldn't cope.Vision or no vision.
This cannot be from God abeg.
And I told him so.
My friend was just like 'this my friend never  ready to marry' . lol.
I never ready to marry trouble ni oh.

Another encounter was with Tunde.
A friend of my sister's who also had a vision abi was it a dream that I was his wife.
He told me he had a call to establish a Ministry. I told him someone had a spare land in Oyo state,he said nooooo,the vision was specific to Ikoyi or Yaba near Unilag.
That was when I knew that this one na money ministry him get.
I told him me i never receive any vision oh.
He was so angry ehn. He called me all sorts of names. I was "proud",i was "disobeying God",i was "this,i was that". Na him sabi oh.

I dunno why they all get so angry when you challenge what they have "heard" from God.
Since when did God start speaking to just one person. Last I heard we were all his children.

Then, one day I visited my state capital for some few days and attended a church programme.
Suddenly, someone had a "vision" that one of the guys that accompanied his friend to the church was my husband.
Toh! Which kain tin be this one again.
First of all, he came on a toasting mission for another girl. specifically the daughter of the the guy sef was bamboozled.
Secondly,one would think God think that would tell me,the supposed wifey to be abi.
Meanwhile the guy and I weren't even remotely attracted to each other or even compatible.
Although at first he was like "ehn! Whatever God says is ok"
I was like "Are you crazy? Was it wife you came to look for here or what. Who told you it was God that spoke?
That was how he calmed down.
Meanwhile the whole church was aflutter at the stubbornness of Sister Funmi.
Me I just carried my bag and traveled back home. Wtf?
I received different orishirishi prophecies, "if you don't accept the will of God this and that will happen".
I had to tap into my inner strong man and say NO.
Na by force?
It wasn't until the guy did bold face for them that they rested and I had peace.
The vision seers haven't forgiven me. They still give me the evil eye when they see me.
Na them sabi. No be by force. And they can marry him if its that  important to them.

Finally, we have pastor Enosa. A (once married but wife is nowhere to be found) pastor in my church oh who got the vision that I was his wife.
*sighs* Not again! Abi. What was even happening sef?
 He was always smiling sheepishly when he saw me.
It was like he was stalking me. He always managed to locate me in the church no matter how much I tried to dodge him

 After any Service,he was always waiting for me, smiling sheepishly.
If i don't go to church one day, he is the first to notice and start asking my sister questions.
He said God told him I was the one chosen to be his wife and assist him in his ministry when he leaves our church.
I was like 'see this yeye old man that has been married before, coming to tell me he is receiving visions'.
I don't think he has even divorced the woman cos she's married to another man and he hasn't seen her since they separated.

I received "pastor like" gifts like Books on Deliverance, the Blood of Jesus and a bag full of oranges.
Early morning, na him the man go dey send me text messages full of grammatical blunders. I think he thought we were still in those days when one had to use big English to toast a girl. The messages always gave me a headache.
I had to tell him off when he started talking to some other pastors to talk to me. Ki lo de?
He should go look for his level jare. And divorce his wife while he was at it.

With all this instances of "God said ,God said", it's no wonder a lot of marriages are hell on earth. God speaks no doubt but lots of people aren't hearing from Godlike they claim to.
A lot of them hear their own desires,their lusts, their inner desires and think it's God.
You want to marry beautiful/handsome/rich/ doctor,lawyer,banker or a chorister  and you meet one and you say it's God.
Some people don't even bother to pray.
Some pray with idols in their heart and so receive the answer they want.
So many women have been hoodwinked by fake men of God or spiritualists, who they went to for prayers and were told "marry that man or woman,he is your wife/husband".

Even a genuine man of God can mislead somebody unintentionally oh.
The only person responsible for who you marry is YOU.
Let's all learn to hear from God ourselves and talk to him, ask him,and be sure it's God speaking, not your inner god.
Whatever a pastor says should only complement what you know,it shouldn't be the only reason you marry someone.

You know one thing that always gave me pause every time,  the thought of me marrying, and then problem starts and I tell God,"and you told me to marry this guy and he says Funmi! When did I tell you that?".
And you realize that truly someone else told you what God said. You never heard from him personally.  Which means you are basically on your own.
That thought always gave me pause mehn,and the strength to say NO. God hasn't spoken to ME.

Once again! Have a great week.
Lets hear your opinion. Have you or anyone you known been involved in a similar situation?


  1. You no they sleep?? No need to use the name of God nau, if i like u and i wan date u y use the name of God to cover up.....i begi na old scope be, i wan sleep jare,

    1. Lol! Oga vic!you sef no sleep ni.
      I wan use am resemble you.

  2. There r two types of guys I generally detest in matters of babes. Churchy guys cos I think they r generally fake and hide behind the church to push their agenda. Funmi agrees with me, judging from the post. The other is typical Ibadan guys. Combine both and u have a recipe for disaster! Lol! Pele Sister Funmi. Hehe... - Harper

  3. Lol. Only one of them is an ib guy sef. Wetin ib guys do u? It cant still be d "lagos boys are dangerous thingy".
    Now there's nothing wrong from genuinely hearing from God about a future partner.What i hate is Lying that you have heard from God or being mistaken as to what or who you heard and believing that it was God.

  4. Hahahaha...I died laughing....Waddup people!!!....Phew!!!...I miss this place mehn...Where mi Harper art??.....Mami...I am just gonna say see all them people who say 'God says'....I don't believe in it one knees are more powerful than what any pastor in the world could ever tell me...I talk to my God DIRECTLY......I believe that God can speak to me directly...I mean the bible says, 'Ye are gods' yup!...I am a god.....mehn.....It hurts me when ladies say stuffs like 'my pastor said ABC'.....and especially when I see them going with whatever their pastor must have said...I mean really?!?!!? my country....Kenyans lean towards witch doctors than pastors....I mean most of my people would rather save up alot of money to visit a witch doctor than go to a nearby church......**smh**.......sometimes I just don't get them.....How have you been mamacita...

    1. Tibsy of life. I see you dear.I agree with you totally. Talk to God Directly. By yourself.
      In my country, nobody will dare admit out loud that they went to a witch doctor oh even though some of them do.. Its all, my pastor said this and that..
      Good luck in your exams babe.

  5. Heheheheh ibadan guys lol harper my guy I trust you, you no wats up na so one babe come one day say she dey see vision for me hahahahahaha say in pastor say na me ooo for where. Lemme end it here.

    1. Godwin, u mean am? Lmao! I sure say the babe wowo! Lol! - Harper

    2. @Godwin Nooooooooooooooooooooo.
      Come and finish that gist oh. I must to hear the gist.
      @Harper smh for you. So fine babe cannot see vision again abi.

  6. Hehehehe @ Harper no be wowo babe o lol @funmi na everything you won hear ba