I read a lot of books. So it was always funny when i read that someone was slapped and he/she saw stars.
Until it happened to me.
I think I saw the nine planets and some constellations.lol.
It was that brutal.
Mind you,it was just that one slap oh,but I saw many many many things.
That one slap was enough.
So here's what happened.
I met this cute guy after attending lectures one evening.
He was all shades of cute mehn! His smile could melt the stoniest of hearts. I liked him a lot and fell for him ( just ordinary falling oh,not into love). He appeared to be crazy about me and we started dating. He was also very brilliant and even though he wasn't rich,i was content.
There were some snags. He was very mean. He thought nothing of picking up calls from other women right in front of me and chat for hours.
Now I wasn't jealous,but I was pissed mehn! He was always accusing me of stubbornness when I chose to do things my way instead of his, and going on and on about his ex.
But it became worse when I told him I was celibate. Basically he had a high sex drive so there was always fights on sex.
Then one day I just thought what the heck sef! Someone doesn't have money and is making my life miserable. Isn't that double jeopardy? At least if he had money I could console my self. Lol. That my rationale get k-leg so just ignore it.
I just waited for him to offend me small and then called it off.
I am sure you are wondering where I now got the slap oh. Good question!
Still the same guy!
He lived in Lagos but his parents and friends lived in the same town as I did.
So one weekend he came over, he was at his friends house and said he wanted to talk and drop off some seminar papers, I dunno what I was thinking, me sef carry my leg go his friends house. Hiis friend is someone i know very well. Very correct guy.
My rationale was that at least there would be someone around to mediate before anything got out of hand and prevent him from getting any crazy ideas.
I didn't know when his friend left the apartment to go buy something close by.
That is when the Shit hit the fan.
Somehow he thought it was a good idea to have sex which for sure wasn't gonna happen.
1) I was already celibate at that point
2) We weren't even dating
3) His freaking friends house for goodness sake.
Basically i didn't even need reasons.
Saying no should have been enough.
But it wasn't.
He got mad, and got so violent all of a sudden. I was scared mehn. It was like he had being saving the anger for me.
He almost beat me up and accused me of leading him on. He tried to get rough which made me angrier. I might have said something in the vein of he should control himself when he gave me THE slap.
Just the one slap but I didn't take it easy with him oh.
Not like the slap wasn't painful but to me it was the act of slapping that was worse.
Real men don't slap women.
We had a big screaming match and his friend heard the noise and had to come calm the waters.
My clothes were rumpled and torn in some places.
One of my eyes was red, my cheekbone seemed like it was broken.
And I was due to meet my mum in an hour.
How would I explain my appearance? I sha made myself somewhat presentable but I didn't tell her nothing cos knowing my mum and her drama, she will probably go back to the house with policemen in tow.
And anyway,i was ashamed.
I felt even more ashamed to think I knew a guy who could do such a thing. I have known a lot of crazy people,dated crazier ones, but being slapped or beaten had never happened to me.
I thought I had good judgment in guys. Evidently I was wrong.
Anyway, I didn't hear from him for a while.I got a good job and suddenly he was all over me.
He dangled the marriage card and I was like really!
"You slap me and expect me to ever date you again not to talk of marrying you? so you would just kill me one day. If not for Jesus sef I won't be talking to you"
It was something that was so not gonna happen.
He came over to my house so many times to beg me that my mum got confused.
Now he's very charming if you don't know him well so she was always singing his praises.
I had to just tell her one day.
"Remember that day long ago when I met you somewhere. He had just given me the slap of life".
That kept her quiet and nullified any hope that her son in law had arrived. lol.
Now my point is that I forgave him and all. But I never forgot that slap of life.hehehe.
No matter the presents,or soulful looks or help he rendered.
I NEVER forgot that slap. He said he hadn't ever slapped a woman in his life so it was my fault.
In real life women are often on the receiving end.
Me I no still gree oh. Whatever regard I had for him died that day abeg.
What kind of story will we tell in our marriage toast?
She was the first woman I slapped?
I realize it's not that easy to say no to violence and to leave a violent partner.
But my limit was that one slap. It could only have gotten worse.
You know one puzzling thing? The shame. He should have been ashamed of himself, not me.
Yet i was the one feeling ashamed.
Its an emotion that battered woman often go through. This often prevents them from speaking out.
Now i wasn't battered, or maybe i was, when i remember that slap.
My point is some people have to deal with violence from a partner, all the time.
Not just a one off like mine wass.
Who knows! If i loved him, or i was younger, I might have listened to his apologies. The next time i wont have seen stars, i would probably have seen angels.
And just in case you are in such a relationship, and reading this, please get out. You are worth so much more than a punching bag to an insecure man/woman ok.
You know how we do guys!
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