Monday, 18 August 2014

Just One Slap

I read a lot of books. So it was always funny when i read that someone was slapped and he/she saw stars.
Until it happened to me.
I think I saw the nine planets and some
 It was that brutal.
Mind you,it was just that one slap oh,but I saw many many many things.
That one slap was enough.

So here's what happened.
 I met this cute guy after attending lectures one evening.

He was all shades of cute mehn! His smile could melt the stoniest of hearts. I liked him a lot and fell for him ( just ordinary falling oh,not into love). He appeared to be crazy about me and we started dating. He was also very brilliant and even though he wasn't rich,i was content.
There were some snags. He was very mean. He thought nothing of picking up calls from other women right in front of me and chat for hours.
Now I wasn't jealous,but I was pissed mehn! He was always accusing me of stubbornness when I chose to do things my way instead of his, and going on and on about his ex.
But it became worse when I told him I was celibate. Basically he had a high sex drive so there was always fights on sex.
Then one day I just thought what the heck sef! Someone doesn't have money and is making my life miserable. Isn't that double jeopardy? At least if he had money I could console my self. Lol. That my rationale get k-leg so just ignore it.

I just waited for him to offend me small and then called it off.
I am sure you are wondering where I now got the slap oh. Good question!
Still the same guy!

He lived in Lagos but his parents and friends lived in the same town as I did.
So one weekend he came over, he was at his friends house and said he wanted to talk and drop off some seminar papers, I dunno what I was thinking, me sef carry my leg go his friends house. Hiis friend is someone i know very well. Very correct guy.
 My rationale was that at least there would be someone around to mediate before anything got out of hand and prevent him from getting any crazy ideas.
I didn't know when his friend left the apartment to go buy something close by.
That is when the Shit hit the fan.

 Somehow he thought it was a good idea to have sex which for  sure wasn't gonna happen.
1) I was already celibate at that point
2) We weren't even dating
3)  His freaking friends house for goodness sake.

Basically i didn't even need reasons.
Saying no should have been enough.
But it wasn't.
 He got mad, and got so violent all of a sudden. I was scared mehn. It was like he had being saving the anger for me.
He almost beat me up and accused me of leading him on. He tried to get rough which made me angrier. I might have said something in the vein of he should control himself when he gave me THE slap.
Just the one slap but I didn't take it easy with him oh.

Not like the slap wasn't painful but to me it was the act of slapping that was worse.
Real men don't slap women.
We had a big screaming match and his friend heard the noise and had to come calm the waters.
My clothes were rumpled and torn in some places.
One of my eyes was red, my cheekbone seemed like it was broken.

And I was due to meet my mum in an hour.
How would I explain my appearance? I sha made myself somewhat presentable but I didn't tell her nothing cos knowing my mum and her drama, she will probably go back to the house with policemen in tow.
And anyway,i was ashamed.
I felt even more ashamed to think I knew a guy who could do such a thing. I have known a lot of crazy people,dated crazier ones, but being slapped or beaten had never happened to me.
I thought I had good judgment in guys. Evidently I was wrong.

Anyway, I didn't hear from him for a while.I got a good job and suddenly he was all over me.
He dangled the marriage card and I was like really!
"You slap me and expect me to ever date you again not to talk of marrying you? so you would just kill me one day. If not for  Jesus sef I won't be talking to you"
It was something that was so not gonna happen.
He came over to my house so many times to beg me that my mum got confused.
Now he's very charming if you don't know him well so she was always singing his praises.
I had to just tell her one day.
"Remember that day long ago when I met you somewhere. He had just given me the slap of life".
That kept her quiet and nullified any hope that her son in law had arrived. lol.

Now my point is that I forgave him and all. But I never forgot that slap of life.hehehe.
No matter the presents,or soulful looks or help he rendered.
I NEVER forgot that slap. He said he hadn't ever slapped a woman in his life so it was my fault.
Imagine! Story!
In real life women are often on the receiving end.

Me I no still gree oh. Whatever regard I had for him died that day abeg.
What kind of story will we tell in our marriage toast?
She was the first woman I slapped?

I realize it's not that easy to say no to violence and to leave a violent partner.
But my limit was that one slap. It could only have gotten worse.
You know one puzzling thing? The shame. He should have been ashamed of himself, not me.
Yet i was the one feeling ashamed.
Its an emotion that battered woman often go through. This often prevents them from speaking out.
Now i wasn't battered, or maybe i was, when i remember that slap.
My point is some people have to deal with violence from a partner, all the time.
Not just a one off like mine wass.
Who knows! If i loved him, or i was younger, I might have listened to his apologies. The next time i wont have seen stars, i would probably have seen angels.

And just in case you are in such a relationship, and reading this, please get out. You are worth so much more than a punching bag to an insecure man/woman ok.

You know how we do guys!
Post a comment below.

Photo Credit.


  1. God saved u that u decided to walk, Funmi. We would never have heard of u cos u'd be dead! That slap (amazing description though lol) would have become an upper cut and then a right hook. No man should ever hit a woman. I realise that some women's tongues would infuriate the Pope. But guys, just walk away. No need to get physical. Even if she's calling u names as u walk away. - Harper

  2. Shey! That guy had too many issues.
    The relationship was full of drama.
    Our marriage would have ended up with one person killing another cos I would not have folded my arms,looking at him beat me.
    One day I would have gotten a gun or something.
    Disaster I tell you.

    1. me sha i got the beating of my life from an ex. I saw the stars and dinosaurs all of you ladies saw put together. Worst part is that it happened in my own house. chai!
      and never looked back when i ran out (literally and figuratively).
      Someday, i will blog about it but for now, pele ehn?!

    2. In your own house?
      Insult upon injury. Some guys can be crazy mehn!
      Thank God u no do like Lots wife.

    3. OMG, I want to hug you guys!!! Who the *bleep* do those *bleeps* think they are?!?!?!?! I feel like if anyone had tried it with me at some point, I might have found a knife to stab them.

    4. Thanks for the sentiment.
      I used to feel like "who are the guys who do stuff like that"until It happened to me.
      *big hug*

    5. Vira did write about it.and that post was amazeballs.

  3. Ai Zaa!!....Hmmmm...mami....I remember a relationship of mine...the guy slapped me....I didn't black out, I just stood there and my life flashed before me in a 360 degree angle....I saw dinosaurs....(you know they are extinct right?) Mami...I saw a dinosaur heading for me after that slap....and I felt like was like the slap broke my face into bits......mami...I saw things eh....**smiling**....oh well....the past right?...

    1. heheheh Our comments are just 1 minute apart! Talk about Bonding.. Lmao! Scorpios rule...

    2. I feel you babe! Some slaps can bring dinosaurs back from extinction.
      Thank God it's our past not our present. Imagine if this was present reality.

  4. Hey Bubba, how are you! Thank you so much for the Love on the Young and Confused Blog, and mehn am I glad you have joined our TTT Family. **Whispers You see Ernie is a super Mama, and hey we go where she goes, cause she takes care of all of us.. Yep she bad like that..

    So Violence. Let me ask you a question: Which is harder, A man holding his anger, or a woman controlling her Lips? Now I do not mean to justify that BOZO of a Boyfriend that you had, or say that you were WISE in going to his house alone either, but i am saying that a man is most aggressive when he is aroused or Angered, and in your case, the Nit Twit of a guy was both. Sexual Urge+ Anger= WAHALA!

    I for one hate Violence, and the most I have been is lifting my hands to hit her, and then i felt like such a fool as i looked into her eyes. But you see in most cases yeah, the girls are as much the cause of Violence as the men are. Whats my point you may ask? My Point is that as we preach anti- Violence, lets also preach wisdom in speech, cause men arent angels, and angels arent men... Oya amma gonna Stalk you wella. :)

    Did i add that you are very funny?? yep, you bad like that. Just ma kinda blog :) Cheers.

    1. #Jamb question
      Women's tongue can be brutal at times. I do know that.
      My mum can talk for days.but I have never seen my dad hit/slap/push her.Ever!
      A man should control himself cos women will always talk. If all men beat all women who talk crazy then nobody will remain.
      Thanks for the love.*whispers back* Ernie is a supermama hen, looking out for and keeping her chicks close by*

  5. Hmmm this is actually women issue

  6. I like your attitude, if you had give in to his proposal and begs he will pay you with loads of punch. Women deserve better abeg

    1. Definitely. Trailer load of punchs. I am very sure of that.
      Thanks for coming by tosyne.

  7. thank God you ran and never looked back. it boils down to upbringing. in my house, you never hit anyone, no matter what he/she did and somehow we grew up with that. i can't even imagine myself fighting someone, i just don't know how. same goes for my brother and i trust God he'll continue like that. as kids, he never knew how to hit my sister and i no matter how much we taunted him. btw, ur parents and mine are alike. chai! mumsie can hala for africa! d baba go just tune am out. lol - Ada

    1. Dont mind those mums and their halaing.
      Upbringing matters a lot. Some people also have anger issues which makes them feel that violence is the best way to let out their frustrations.
      Thanks Ada for coming by.