Saturday, 7 February 2015

Wedding Gist

Ghen! Ghen!
Wedding Gist don arrive!
Photo Source
Never mind that it's February 2015 and the two brides ( my colleague and my cousin's wife) fit don get belle sef cos my colleague has started exhibiting some suspicious symptoms.
Even my cousin's wife sef I can't guarantee that she never get belle cos they dated for about seven years without having sex (as he said oh cos I wasn't kuku there).
Come to think of it oh my colleague too married as a virgin.

Anyway! Gist is gist nah! No matter how late.
Particularly amebo gist; Always relevant.Lol
(If you are lost just read the background here).

So we finally got to the wedding venue that morning after tailor drama and Jeep overheating drama.
Can you imagine that the tailor didn't finish my sisters gown until like 10am that morning.
And we were still traveling cos the wedding was out of town. My dad was quietly pissed.
The church was almost over by the time we arrived but we sha managed to show face which was the koko. Our immediate family was just giving us the looks of "Are you supposed to just  be coming to wedding when all your mates have arrived siiiiiince"
My mum had already gone the day before nah so I don't know what my own was.

I had the unenviable task of shuttling between two venues oh but luckily they were like 15 minutes apart so it was easy.

The reception for my Cousin was beautifully decorated and full of people (Politicians and heavily painted ladies looking to snare an aristo or two included)
Although with all the money wasted spent it couldn't be anything else but beautiful.
We barely managed to find seats and squeeze ourselves in the back seats. As in so close to the door that a few minutes later we would find ourselves outside. And by we,I am talking about the whole  crew(the grooms mother's whole family and friends ) her twin brother included.

However we all knew the koko before the
wedding so nobody squeeze face too much.
Afterall na my cousin want big wedding.

I am happy to announce that trays did not pass me by but that was not much to be happy about because there were too many orisirisi on the menu, about six or seven different meal combinations plus starters and deserts to be happy with the rice I ate.
I sha managed to grab ofada,fried rice and a few drinks for myself. I tried abi. Fish,juice and wine  was just passing me by. But I consoled myself with the rice and maltina in front of me.

Madam step mother was just prancing around
the hall frustrating all my aunt's

She no allow my aunt take any pic with her
(their )husband oh.
She made sure she photo bombed inserted herself  positioned herself into any picture of parents of the couple or grooms parents.
In short any picture where my aunt could be mistaken as her husband's wife,never mind that she was the groom's mother.

I am sure a lot of people mistook her for the groom's mother.
With the same clothes she wore with the groom's parents and all.
It was hilarious and sad at the same time.
I don't know how some people think but it's not
my mess so na dem sabi.

All the gifts that were given to the couple,my
cousin's father( on the prodding of madam step mother I am sure) took the expensive ones on
the grounds that they were given to him and not the son as it was his friends and fellow politicians that brought it.
The one that pained me pass is one big curved led screen tv that I saw.
That Tv was gigantic mehn.
So let's just say all the parties are now barely speaking to each other.

Cousin is mad at his dad for giving steppie so much room to make money from his wedding.
His mum is mad at the dad and steppie  for the embarrassment of having to ask steppie for food at her son's wedding and all the millions steppie was rumoured to have made.

The step siblings are mad at their dad for spending so much on their step brothers wedding when he didn't do so for them.
Step mum is mad at hubby for spending so much and inviting his mistresses to the wedding. And also because her kids are too young to get married and eat out of the national cake.

But honestly what were they expecting?
The man tried sef in the circumstances. He spent millions on that wedding.
He took over virtually all the expenses: Clothing for the couple,all the parents, decoration,hotel booking, food,cake, rings,
 aso ebi for the family,and ankara for the "mogbo moya"

My colleagues wedding was low key so no biggie. It was drama free.I was too full( with the rice lol) from my cousins wedding to eat there

By the time it was evening, I just carried all my property and informed anybody that was interested that I was going back home oh.
I felt a tad guilty for abandoning my folks cos my dad's vehicle needed to be seen to before it could travel but I just close eye and wished them bye bye.
My sister too followed me.
Disloyal daughters lol.

They ended up staying for about 3 days there before they eventually found the elusive part.
I was so happy I abandoned them. I don't like sleeping in beds that aren't mine jare.

And I have not heard from my cousin since then. Sigh!

99th post done.
100th post loading.
Prepare your questions, you could also email them to I will be sure to reply.

Post a comment below! And be sure to turn up or down as the case may be for the 100th post.

Sunday, 1 February 2015

Thank God It's February!

Happy New Month Dearies!

It's the 'Falentine' month oh. Don't lie and tell me you have forgotten it's this month.