Sunday, 10 August 2014

God and I : The journey so far

Don't get it twisted, in reality I am a very spiritual person.
I don't talk about it much cos the journey I had getting there was a very hard one one which I don't like to talk about or even think about cos when I remember, it makes me back to a place i don't ever wanna go back to.
Long Journey. lol
Years ago, I had a void in my heart.I was very depressed and felt empty. I looked and looked and searched and searched but nothing and nobody could fill that void. It wasn't something that was visible on the outside but I knew it, I felt it and it was like I was drowning. And i needed to get help soon or it would kill me.
Sex didn't fill that deep void. I know cos I

 Family couldn't, neither could friends, food, presents, clothes,good grades, relationships or money.

On the outside I seemed to have everything, a handsome boyfriend, parents abroad, good grades and a fun life. But on the inside I had a lot of issues I was struggling with. Sex was a temporary relief. It was supposed to make me forget but any relief it gave was temporary. I was sad most of the time. And there was no body to talk to. This are issues that likely stemmed from my childhood cos I didn't get the help I needed.Typical Nigerian parents don't really talk about or understand psychological struggles very well. None of my siblings would have understood. My then boyfriend would have been bewildered, my friends would have made it worse and probably gossiped about me so I didn't confide in anybody.

I wasn't alone. But I was lonely.
It was just Me.

And God.

I discovered God a long time ago but we weren't close. I had a casual relationship with him,just popping in once a while to say hi.
But when I graduated things came to a head. My supposedly serious relationship crashed. I wanted to die. The dream job wasn't forthcoming, I was literally having bad dreams. I felt oppressed and alienated.

Is it weird that i wanna comfort her.

So I started fasting and crying out. I cried and groaned and asked him why he was far so far away. Wasn't he seeing me? Why wasn't he feeling this pain and sadness I had. I thought he was supposed to love me.

And then I heard a voice. "You don't know me like you ought to. Know me and I will show you wonders"

Waoh! Know him? I was intrigued  and started pondering what the statement meant. I realized I wasn't  born again.
 I hadn't actually given my life to him even though I had done altar calls lots of times.
A few days later I opened a newspaper and I saw an article by a pastor. He said the reason why it's difficult to stop sinning is because you try to do it with your power. But if you call Jesus into the equation, it's his work and not yours, and you can overcome through him.

To say It made sense was an understatement.
There and then in my living room  I gave my life to Christ. And just as he promised he has shown me nothing but wonders.
I asked him again what next, and he told me I had to leave the church I was attending (like once in a year) and led me to the church I now attend.

I finally found redemption,i found peace, and for the first time I was happy on the inside. I had joy. Everything started working out miraculously. I found a new lease on life.

Joy Unlimited.

My attitude to people,family,relationships changed. I was calmer, wiser, more tolerant and cheerful. The bitterness was gone. So was the pain.

The love i feel for God is a part of me I keep very protected. I treat it like treasure. I protect it and value it a great deal. A lot of people wouldn't really understand how deep i sank and how far back up i had to drag myself. But i do and because of that i am grateful i found him.

I am not there yet, and i still struggle with a lot of things. But its all easier now because i found God.

P.S. i feel kinda nervous having clicked "publish". I have never disclosed any of the above to any body.

So whats your spiritual story? How important is God to you?
Do you have a spiritual or religious side.
Lets hear it.

Photo Credits: SupakitmodHolohololand,  Arxtsamui


  1. That was rough.
    Its amazing that no one around you had an inking of what you were going through.

    1. Thanks.
      Most people don't really want to delve into what they don't understand or grasp. Besides I hid it well.

  2. Hiya mami....Blessed Sunday to you...okay back to this topic, I am very very spiritual person, I don't believe in going to church every sunday to keep/maintain a relationship with him...I do that in the comfort of my bedroom and with my knees on the ground.....just like you mami...I used to have a casual relationship with God buh changed that for yeah I am on the spiritual side....

    1. Blessed Sunday to you too. Hope you are good.
      Life kinda changes the best of us. I think going through hard stuff is just Gods way of drawing our attention.If I didn't need him I won't have gone looking for him.

  3. I do have a relationship with God but i yearn for when i can feel His presence at all times and i know i will get there.
    Best part of finding God is that i did it myself. I remember when my mom would practically force me to go to church and i would go and grumble and couldn't wait for when it will be over.

    now, i am glad my rship with Him wasnt forced. i sort Him when i need Him and i love Him.

  4. I agree with you. Its so much better when it's not forced.There was a time I used to be forced to go to church. Immediately I became an adult, I rebelled by not even going at all. I spent five years in the university and went to church like ten times. Smh

  5. Mehn i can so relate with this post.. At various times in my life, I have sunk, and I am still sinking. I wish I could say I have made the full decision to be a Born Again, but.. Maybe some day soon. It is well.. I love this post so muuch, as I connected with it on a strong level. Mehn SEX ehn... It helps but not as much as we think. Thank you for this Bubba. Thank you...

  6. It is well my brother. Its a personal decision which only makes sense when it comes from within you.

  7. Used to have a casual relationship with God too but like Ernie life changed that... I appreciate and spend time with God a lot more now but there are still some things I wished never happened. In all things I give thanks to whom all honour is due

    1. Yep me too! But as you said all thanks to God.It could have been so much worse.

  8. Discovering true rshp with God is the best thing that has ever happened and is still happening to me! Haven't gone to church in like 2yrs plus now, but I feel so close to him. The best part is communicating with him directly like he were right there with me! It has made life so easy and amazing for me! I just looooooveeee God soooo much!

    1. You are right. Nothing like having a personal relationship with God

  9. Woah! I can't believe I wrote's all good.