I don't talk about it much cos the journey I had getting there was a very hard one one which I don't like to talk about or even think about cos when I remember, it makes me back to a place i don't ever wanna go back to.
|Long Journey. lol|
Sex didn't fill that deep void. I know cos I tried.lol.
Family couldn't, neither could friends, food, presents, clothes,good grades, relationships or money.
On the outside I seemed to have everything, a handsome boyfriend, parents abroad, good grades and a fun life. But on the inside I had a lot of issues I was struggling with. Sex was a temporary relief. It was supposed to make me forget but any relief it gave was temporary. I was sad most of the time. And there was no body to talk to. This are issues that likely stemmed from my childhood cos I didn't get the help I needed.Typical Nigerian parents don't really talk about or understand psychological struggles very well. None of my siblings would have understood. My then boyfriend would have been bewildered, my friends would have made it worse and probably gossiped about me so I didn't confide in anybody.
I wasn't alone. But I was lonely.
It was just Me.
I discovered God a long time ago but we weren't close. I had a casual relationship with him,just popping in once a while to say hi.
But when I graduated things came to a head. My supposedly serious relationship crashed. I wanted to die. The dream job wasn't forthcoming, I was literally having bad dreams. I felt oppressed and alienated.
|Is it weird that i wanna comfort her.|
So I started fasting and crying out. I cried and groaned and asked him why he was far so far away. Wasn't he seeing me? Why wasn't he feeling this pain and sadness I had. I thought he was supposed to love me.
And then I heard a voice. "You don't know me like you ought to. Know me and I will show you wonders"
Waoh! Know him? I was intrigued and started pondering what the statement meant. I realized I wasn't born again.
I hadn't actually given my life to him even though I had done altar calls lots of times.
A few days later I opened a newspaper and I saw an article by a pastor. He said the reason why it's difficult to stop sinning is because you try to do it with your power. But if you call Jesus into the equation, it's his work and not yours, and you can overcome through him.
To say It made sense was an understatement.
There and then in my living room I gave my life to Christ. And just as he promised he has shown me nothing but wonders.
I asked him again what next, and he told me I had to leave the church I was attending (like once in a year) and led me to the church I now attend.
I finally found redemption,i found peace, and for the first time I was happy on the inside. I had joy. Everything started working out miraculously. I found a new lease on life.
My attitude to people,family,relationships changed. I was calmer, wiser, more tolerant and cheerful. The bitterness was gone. So was the pain.
The love i feel for God is a part of me I keep very protected. I treat it like treasure. I protect it and value it a great deal. A lot of people wouldn't really understand how deep i sank and how far back up i had to drag myself. But i do and because of that i am grateful i found him.
I am not there yet, and i still struggle with a lot of things. But its all easier now because i found God.
P.S. i feel kinda nervous having clicked "publish". I have never disclosed any of the above to any body.
So whats your spiritual story? How important is God to you?
Do you have a spiritual or religious side.
Lets hear it.
Photo Credits: Supakitmod, Holohololand, Arxtsamui