Sunday, 17 August 2014

Back in town!

Yay! I am back.
Back like i never left. *shines teeth*
I had major fun.
Though i stylishly managed to avoid nightclubs /casinos / bars that some people who shall remain nameless tried to get me to go to.
And what a trip!

 Lemme break it down for y'all.

The Training
The training was awesome. As I said here, it wasn't boring at all.
And there was plenty to eat and drink. hehehe.
I got to see a lot of my colleagues and also got to know a lot of the senior ones who I didn't know personally since I wasn't working at the head office.
I got a lot of appraising glances. But no follow up bad belle
Though, me sef i was ready for them. I made sure everything was on point.
No be my fault. If you mess up or give them the tiniest thing to talk about, the gossip will go on and on till it gets back to you.

That was how I went for one training shortly after I got the job. This one wasn't a general training. It was just for about 40 people.
A few of my colleagues were there and the first thing I heard was
"Funmi" you have really added weight oh"
"See how big your 'yansh' has gotten"
"See your cheeks" ( you can see how they are analysing all the parts of my body) Aproko people.
I just smiled. And wished the ass will even remain that way sef. Unfortunately my weight is never stable.
The thing dey like to go up and down.

Anyway,i went back home after the training and two days later, i got a phone call from my aproko friend/ colleague who wasn't even at the training oh.
"Funmi! Are you pregnant"
Haha! No greeting or comments oh. I was amazed. Cos as far as I knew, I wasn't sleeping with anyone. I decided to play it cool.
"No! I thought we still gisted about my single status last week. How can I now be pregnant"? I asked her."
"Ehn!" she started stammering. Its Efe that said she saw you and you had gained weight. She said you were not as thin as you were in training camp".
Shuo! Na sin to gain weight again ni?
I immediately started cursing her and the Efe out. Walahi! She didn't call me for about 2 months.
My point was even if someone told her I was pregnant, as close as I was to her, I expected her to trust me enough not to have to ask me crazy questions. That meant she felt I was a liar or sleeping around that she called to verify.
Msheeew! Nonsense things.

So because I didn't look like a bonga fish (apologies to bonga fish)  like I used to look like in camp,so I was now pregnant?
That stupid camp that we spent close to 2 months jogging, running and marching like prisoners round the whole camp? Sleep at 12pm,wake up at 4am, jog,and then attend classes till evening. I fell ill so many times it got to a point I just went to tell the coordinator he should just let me be if e no wan carry dead body. lol. But i was serious oh. So he did.
That was how I escaped for about three weeks before the camp ended oh. *tongue out*
When others were marching,jogging,running, I was under the canopy chilling.
 But I was still lean. i was stressed and when I am stressed any extra weight just disappears.

So I don't really understand how any normal person will expect me to look the same oh.
Besides!what was even their business sef anyway.
What a combination.

Hotel Drama
I arrived  at the hotel. I had asked someone to book and pay for me earlier.i got in and just dumped the bags somewhere and hurriedly had a bath.
I came out of the shower and then noticed that the walls were water logged.
Now! I have a phobia for closed spaces but I hate water logged walls. As in I can't stand it.i can't eat, think or even sleep in it.its hard to explain sha.
Instantly I took the lift down.
And told the men at the reception I wanted to change rooms. They asked why.i said the tv was bad.(dunno why i didn't just say I couldn't stand the room).
One of them said they didn't have any rooms left.
The second one insisted on knowing what the problem was. That after all the person who paid looked at the rooms.
See me see trouble! Must there be a reason,i paid for something and i wasn't comfortable.
Did I have to write a thesis.
A third man can and wanted to know if I had rumpled the bed. Of cos the answer was no. I couldn't even sit on the bed.
At this stage I was about to go into crazy/lawyer mood.That is where I go into razz mode. I am an ordinarily shy person who hates scenes but when i am vexed i ignore shyness.
I start yelling and will not stop even if you beg
The lawyer mode is where I basically start speaking oyibo ,and claiming my rights and tell them the hotel will close down for the day if they don't change the room or give me back my money.
Then a woman came in, who was so much nicer and showed me some other rooms and I got one I liked better.
Whew! Scene narrowly averted!

The Trip.
My return journey went from being a road trip to a long journey.
Kai! The silly driver realized he forgot his phone just when we were out of Abuja oh and he  just had to turn back to collect it because he couldn't travel without his phone.
As in! I felt like slapping him. If the phone was so important to him that he couldn't live without it , then he should have sellotaped it to his pants nah!
Then he had the bright not so bright idea of taking another route which was "shorter".
Let's just say I left the hotel I was in around 7am and didn't enter my house until past 7pm.
I was exhausted. I ate (wasn't too tired not to eat hehehe) and slept off.
And dreamt some funny

But i didn't forget all you wonderful people who kept logging on even though i was MIA.
That's why we have two posts today. lol.
And the gist never finish.
I met some cute guys, had Ex drama, and tomorrow, i have a sort of date with a guy who has being asking me out for years and i said No cos am not just feeling the guy.
Now he wants to match make me with his friend.
I dunno, it all sounds very fishy to me.
Anyway, he's gonna explain himself tomorrow. 

Did you miss me? I missed everybody.
Ernie, Vira, Harper, and all you anonymous commenters, plus the "read and dont comment group"hehehe.
I see you all.

Before i forget, Lets all thank God for Journey Mercies. Some of us go on the road so often it doesn't seem like a big deal. But getting back safely each time, or escaping unhurt is a truly big deal.
So if you have entered a car recently, driven or being driven, on the highway (the 170km/hr people know themselves. Yes! Harper! You! ) or even just to the neighborhood, lets just be grateful and thank God.
Not just for ourselves, but for the people we know, and those they know.
Ernie! I am so happy and thankful for you girl!

So you know how we do. Don't forget to write a comment


  1. Welcome back Ms. Reese! So u have a big ass? We clearly have to meet, then! U just said the magic words. Even if it's only big sometimes, I am willing to commit to feeding u burgers nonstop so it remains big. Hehehe.... - Harper

    1. Hehehe. You gotta sign a contract to continue feeding me the burgers even if the ass doesn't increase oh.
      I think that was the one and only time.*sighs*i dunno what happened oh.

  2. Awwww mami... This is amazing of you... **whispering** I'm actually in class... Hehe...okay... Mami I need to teach you something... We got the bitchslap and the pimpslap..... You can't afford to take some bullshit.... That driver???!!!.....grr.... Buh I'm glad you okay mami... So now u back..... I'm looking forward to some slick post.... Hehe.... Ai... Take care mami...

  3. Ernie of life. I see you. lol@ bitchslap..
    *sighs* unfortunately the driver would probably have refused to continue driving.. Thanks for coming by.
    Looking forward to that weird post of yours.

  4. ehmm.. I wanted to comment yeah, but they are just too many so hahahahahahahahaha Damn you are funny! Aswear, i wanna be able to right like you! Lmao. @Speaking Onyibo in crazy lawyer mode.

    1. No mind those hotel people who were sleeping when they were teaching them that customer is always right.
      They wanted to hear grammar but they didn't succeed.

  5. like seriously? some people just must comment/say wrong things about others. i recently started losing weight and already someone told me i am looking lean like an old woman. huhn? my own body? not the body you and i are shiarring (in mama p's voice). na wa oo.

  6. No mind them. Its like their mouth will itch them if they don't talk.
    You add weight,them go talk, you lose weight,dem go talk.