Monday, 22 September 2014


Its really weird when I hear that someone " stole my man/husband "
Like really?
How is that even possible. A fully grown man! Stolen! Like a cow or sheep!
Even my dog sef will protest if it discovers that it is being stolen.
The only way it won't protest is if it knows the person "stealing" it or it wanted to be stolen in the first place then it wouldn't protest loudly by barking or biting the "stealer".
You get my drift?
You read some twitter/facebook/instagram feeds and the girl or woman is threatening acid or brimstone on the lady that "stole her man". In public oh! One would think they would at least do that in private or something.
Some women would even fight and tear each others clothes and  call each other unprintable names.
And you know what I usually wonder?
Was the man that devoid of free will that he could just be stolen like that. Afterall he knew he had a wife or girlfriend and he knowingly chose to go with the "stealer". And instead of some women to count their losses they feel that disgracing the 'stealer' is the way to go.

However its actually a thing oh.
Google actually has articles on how to steal a a man. lol. There is nothing somebody will not find on that Google.
The truth is that some people do covet other people's property whether human or not.
Some people can be evil. I know girls who have cold bloodedly  set out to make a man leave his wife and be theirs. In this kind of situation, where the man is unaware of the woman's plans can we call  it "stealing a man"?
Cos some men and women do employ good old fashioned seduction, sex, some use jazz or the 'efo riro' method, some use money to entice people who already have significant others.

My aunt's best friend's husband woke up one morning and said the dreaded words every "jazz customer" dreads to hear. hehe.
"Who are you? When did I marry you ?How did I marry you?What did you do to me? ME? Married to you? I must have been bewitched."hehe.
Kasala wan burst that day. The man no gree oh. He left her and the son she had for him here and went back to his wife and kids in the north. She had to raise the son all on her own.
Did I hear 'efo riri tins' lol.

That kind of situation, I can give a small pass. Cos the man ate wetin pass am. Although before a woman can use her p*ssy or food to bewitch and entrap a man,most times some things will also have been going on between them.

But in some cases, two people are married, the man steps out on his wife with his number six intact, he knows very well what he is doing, has an affair and the wifey at home starts crying foul.
She may have stopped wearing those bum shorts she used to wear before they got married,started nagging or even stopped having sex or should I say good sex with her husband. And even though these isn't an excuse to cheat oh ,the man meets young babe with perky boobs, who doesn't mind sleeping naked and having kamasutra sex,he thinks the grass is greener on the other side and ports.
And the wife or girlfriend starts screaming blue murder.
Some will even organise their friends to go beat the new girlfriend up.

Is that the solution as at that point in time?
If you are married then you have to be honest with yourself.  Do I want him back? Who is to blame?
 What do I do?

 If you are married and you still want him back na to start prayer sharp sharp be that.
And if you don't want him back, fine, then move on.
If you are just dating abeg move on sharp sharp. A man who can be stolen isn't worth it jare.
Will you spend all your life dodging robbers sorry I meant men stealers.

Its not strictly a woman problem sha as men too 'steal' other men's girlfriends or wives.
The 'stealer' usually has something the main guy doesn't. Bigger d*ck or better sex,cars, more money, wealth, promise of marriage etc.
How do I know?
My grandfather (R.I.P) may have stolen, i mean taken some people's wives in his lifetime. Hehe.
He was such a lothario.
My mum told me how her best friend went to see a pastor one day,and next thing she left her husband and moved in with the 'pastor'. No body could convince her otherwise.

I heard a sad story in church one day of how a woman woke up in the North to see herself married to a man and she was puzzled to hear they had kids together and had been married for more than ten years. She hadn't seen her family, she didn't know their whereabouts only that she used to live in the South West.
Orishirishi tins.

So guys! Can a man or woman be stolen?
Is it worth it fighting for them or getting them back?
Will marriage make a difference to what your reaction would be in a "stealing' situation?
Can we blame the "stealer" or the person stolen?
What do you think?

How was your weekend guys?
Tibsy and Vira, Dearies! I hope you are both feeling better.

So today, we are checking out some blogs in the spirit.
Yep! Cos they are yet to exist but we have got to have faith.
 They belong to Harper, Godwin and My Opinion.

If Harper had a blog ehn! I would be his number one fan. As in! I would stalk that blog just for the purpose of disagreeing with him hehehe. He will just have to beg me one day or bribe me with one of his cars to please leave him alone and go face my blog. But seriously imagine all the crazy stories and theories we would get to read on his blog.
Harper! Are you thinking what i am thinking?
Start thinking it jo.

If Godwin had a blog. Chai!Professor Tins.
 English and wafi go scatter for that blog.
Maybe he would even complete that vision story he told me halfway and refused to complete.
 And we will get to hear about his babes cos he never talks about them. And i know he is not a saint.
How do i know? Because he and Harper are in cahoots. That's how i know..

If My Opinion had a blog, hmmmmm. Plenty analyzing ehn cos She will say her opinion.
Ok that was lazy.hehe but I just had to say 'opinion".
But seriously, doesn't she seem like an interesting opinionated person.
She takes her stand and defends it. I think she is a lawyer sef. 
Have you seen her opinions i mean comments, I would totally visit her blog if she had one.

So that's our Monday roundup.
And when/if they start their blogs just call me prophet Funmi.

Update: Tibsy is baaaaack.
Thank you Lord for her quick recovery. You can read her post here. 

Photo Source.


  1. Yay!!! I am back....**doing the sitya dance**.....Wow!!!!!...mami...may God bless you.....I read all the posts I missed and I saw all you did and I am very humbled mami.......**screaming** Harper! Harper!! Harper!!!.....**grabs bazooka** What have you guys done with my darling Harper???...I mean what has a girl gotta do to keep her man around here???....I mean who is the stoler and stealer?!?!?!?!!?.....**cocks bazooka** this is not a joke mehn.....Harper darling....if/when you read this....just know this.....**singing** Bill Withers - Just the two of us ----- just you and I papi....hehe....waddup people!!!!!!!.....phew I have missed being here........okay so the post eh....people stealing people.....**whispering** It is too early to start fessin' up mami....I mean I just got back so I am not confessing today....buh I can say this tho'.....*clears throat** Yes you can steal a man....buh you gotta be 'A KEISHA' to be able to do that and at the same time make it look like he just waltz into your abode....Yup!....andddddd you can't blame the stealer or the stoler or whatever....know why? know how people say this shitty crap, 'If you love something set it free bullshit'.......well I love Harper so much and he aint going no where mehn!....I mean...set him free why/how and for whom??? yeah...I believe you have to protect/guard whatever is precious to don't set something you treasure keep it close and tight mami (remember where gold is usually found eh).......Harper darling....what's the sitch with the private jet?....

    1. Tibsy of Life.
      The one and only. I have missed your drama and bazooka.
      Lol @Keisha mode of stealing.
      So Tibs is team No stealer! No stoler. No wahala.

    2. Tibsy baby!!! Welcome back, chocolate cake! Hope u r feeling much better? Ur hubby is lucky I only know u on the Web. Otherwise....hehehe.... - Harper

    3. Hehehe. Wasn't I just talking about stealing? Mind yourself oh.

  2. Tibs maami.... Welcome back.... Funmi!!! nobody can steal a human being o... cept of course when jazz join... but otherwise, there was a mutual movement

    1. Hmmm! Mutual movement things. Makes sense sha.How r u Esther?

  3. Nobody can steal another person, except of cause you want to be stolen.....just like you said.....a woman can't just bring efo riro for you to eat, you must have had something with the wOman.....and before you know it your head is Already between her laps. Welcome back tibs.

    1. Hehe. Head between the laps. That image is something else.

    2. Head between her laps is not a bad thing o! Lmao! - Harper

    3. Lolzz so true..i don't believe in all that steal my man crap! If he allowed himself to be stolen then he isn't even worth all that fight.

      You know why i love your blog? I can relate with it so well. Keep it up mami

    4. Women should at least learn to accept that their men had a hand in it.
      Thanks for coming by TemiDee.
      I don give u nickname be that.

  4. So, my first comment disappeared. *angry face*
    I agree with all Zoe said. Random man/woman stealing doesnt exist jor. well, maybe except in that woman's case.
    Any woman that gives my man efo riro ehn? I will prepare better bitter leaf for her. Dazzall!

    1. We must petition blogger abi na your Internet service provider to produce that comment.
      Afi bitter leaf naa! Lol
      How are you feeling dear? How far with the test?

    2. Sisi Mi, I am good oh. Thank God. About that test ehn, I am afraid of needles and all so I havent gone for it....yet.
      But I will go. Soon.

    3. Hahaha. Cooker of bitter leaf is afraid of needles. Ok oh.
      Lemme keep quiet.
      Abeg go soon,Dont let me come to your town and drag you there myself.

  5. Hmmmm! Funmi!!! All these washhh na wa o! Blog ke? Una don too much nah, make we kukuma dey patronise una nah..lols. Thr ws no need for u to cancel d *opinion* nah. I'm cool with it (opinion/comment). Tnx 4 d compliment anyways!

    Back to d post: I don't think a man can ordinarily be stolen if he hadn't shown a Lil interest before they gave him d wash wash*

    Buh I saw a yoruba movie sometime last month n it changed my opinion on dat. In this case, a step mum who was angry her step daughter's life was more perfect than her own child, used jazz to make d man to start chasing women, till he fell into d hands of d one dt turned him away 4m his wife n 2kids. Many yrs later d jazz cleared n he couldn't evn rmbr a tng he did (was askng after his real wife).

    In such a situation he didn't go to chop d wash wash* with clear eyes, so yes he was stolen!

    If u love someone, pls open clear eyes n pray for him/her everyday. It's an evil world we live in!

    As for those doing d wash wash* 'what u struggle to get, u struggle to keep*. And someday u'll get tired of struggling and the person's eyes will clear.

    1. Urw dear.
      Yep Ordinarily, minus efo riro situations, he would have had to at least have shown a lil interest before he could be stolen.
      Yoruba film tins. Lol! Anything can happen cos they draw from human experiences.
      You are right sha, prayer is the key. The mind of humans can be disturbingly evil.
      Word! What u struggle to get,u struggle to keep.

  6. Ms. Reese! How was ur party weekend? This stealing matter - *pauses and wipes brow*. In my second year in Unilag, there was this hot Calabar babe who supposedly was dating some guy I knew. I wasn't friends with the guy o, but we'd just say Wassup whenever we met. So this girl suddenly starts paying me one kind of attention. She eventually made the move on me. And what's a nigga to do? I hit that, sharply and hard! Next thing, she dumped the guy and became a permanent nightly fixture in my room. Our mutual friends started harassing me, saying it's not good to "snatch ur friend's girlfriend". See me, see trouble o! At least the guy didn't try to fight me. Hehe.

    In short, nobody can be stolen without their consent. Even efo riro get limit. I'm sure I've eaten several of those in my time. But if u eat efo riro from like three different women simultaneously, which one will work? Lol!

    As per this blog matter, Ms. Reese, e go hard for me o! No time. Let me just continue to comment on urs. Maybe one day, when I hit the Lotto and retire....:)

    Tibsy's back!!! How r u baby? Ain't nobody snatching me from u, baby! Missed u like....hehehe - Harper

    1. Hey!Weekend was tiring just like you said.Woke up late today.
      All that your story,the koko is that you have stolen before sha. Ok oh!
      Calabar too?They should call you Mr Nigeria. Sampler of all
      As for the efo riro question,i dunno oh. Maybe we should ask Vira or Zoe. Hehehe.
      Anyway I guess none will work cos they will cancel each other out.
      Hmm! But you agree it will be fun. Doesn't have to be everyday na!Once in a while is ok.
      Yep! Tibsy is back. Isn't that great?

  7. Miss funmi ba wo ni ? Ba wo ni ise. Hehehehe. I'm glad to know you're back Mama Tib's. I don't have much to say this night cause I'm tired in my spainish tune. *Necesito tomar un gran descanso*. Sometimes I do affirm, and admits that jazz or efo riro actually works o.
    Because the wey one babe take get my Dad hehehehe still dey surprise everybody for my house o. It actually funny sha. Funmi o da ro. I need rest and thanks for the feature


    1. Waoh! You see why you are a prof.
      Spanish and Yoruba in one comment.
      I am good. Ise is
      You know it's easy to disprove jazz until it happens to you or someone close to you. Then you know that shit exists.
      Have a great day and you are welcome.

  8. Yo!! Funmi of life, what gwan?? I saw this picture quote over the weekend, and it had a quote that went something like

    ""People who really love you wont leave you when they are tempted to, as they would always find a reason to stay regardless the temptation""

    The sincerity of my thinking is that; apart from the ""JUJU"" department :), on a normal Basis no one ever **In Funmis voice ""Steals"" a person, rather persons often decide to get stolen. It is really sad, cause why tie a knot with someone you dont love, or try to accomodat a relationship :(. Well i guess its cause many Young and Confused people now go into relationships out of loneliness and wrong intentions, so it is such people that are usually stolen on the long run :(. Nice post Funmi, it had me gigling and thinking at the same time, as just as every of your other posts yeah, it was an enlightening read :) Cheers Bubba.

    1. My Brother!Its a very complicated world.
      Some do get married with good intentions and get distracted along the way.
      But you are right. Some people do decide that they want to be stolen.In that case why cry foul?
      When the person doesn't even want to return back to you,
      Thanks bros. Lol @ giggling.
      Big Hug.

  9. Mehn this thing scares me.
    Guild your man with all diligence to avoid brawls.
    I can't come and be fighting because one person jare.

    1. Yes oh! With due diligence and prayer.