Thursday, 25 September 2014

Marriage List of Life

I came across this post on the very funny Zoe's blog last week and i decided to share with y'all cos i am so nice.hehe.
Actually lemme not lie,its not because i am nice, (but i am nice oh) i just want y'all to read it cos i still cant believe my eyes.
So here is the post.

hmmmmmm……so one of my handsome uncles just arrived Nigeria last 4 weeks from the U.S where he studied engineering and now works with a big company that has a branch right here in the big city of Lagos…….*eyebrow raised*…..ya… talking about my uncle from obodo oyinbo….hehehhe.

3 Saturdays ago I went to my family house to chill for the week end and also to eat enough good food since na only garri dey for my house. When I got home I meet my mum all dressed up for a party, I quickly asked her where she was going and she replied saying, “remember Seun that just got back from US nah”, I nodded like an agama lizard, she continued, “we are going to do his introduction and collect marriage list from that girl’s family he meet on facebook” anyways I decided to follow her because this kind thing can never pass me.
Pic Source

When we got to the house, we were greeted by a very thin looking girl who was smiling like a clown; I later learnt she was a younger sister to the ‘girl’…..awa girl… in sister inlaw to be…hehehe….. We got inside the house and saw an elderly man wearing a brown singlet that has turned into a shimi on his body…….you know that kin singlet that after one wash like this, the thing go con be like woman shimi nah……yah….that is what am talking about…… In fact everyone was sheepishly smiling in that house…….

After all the greetings and introduction we were handed the list in an envelope….. In absence of no other thing to talk about, we promised to get back to them and then we left.

While we were inside the car heading home my mum opened the envelope and few seconds later, she started screaming while waving the envelope towards me……in fact I fear o…… at first I thought something was wrong with her, until I collected the paper in the envelope and my heartbeat paused for a second……there was silence … ears were blocked……in fact i couldn’t read within me so  I read the following items out loud with my eyes wide open.

1. 7 male goats for the elders
2. 7 female goats for the old women.
3. 120 years of Nigeria Wax for her sisters.
4. 3 Apple Laptops.
5. 5 pieces of bold 6 blackberries.
6. 50 liters of petrol.
7. A white bicycle for her uncle.
8. 200 pairs of bathroom slippers for the villagers.
9. 5 trip of sand and 20 bags of dangote cement.

And different type of orishirishi. The listed items were up to 50.

Anyways I got a call yesterday saying my uncle is on his way back to the US……According to him (in his American accent),  “WTF!!!  they wanna suck me dry!”….heheheh
But really…do you think a marriage list should look like that?………are they selling the girl?……..make I even ask wetin dey won use 3 Apple Laptops do…..I bet the dad can’t even operate first generation of tecno phone. 

Is your mouth opened wide like mine was? This is what they call 'marriage list awon aiye" lol.
I was like is this marriage list or contract list?

In other unrelated news, I have to be in Court today with two of my ogas. I have sort of been on leave cos the Courts have been on vacation, even though I have been going to work.
Now they have resumed and court Waka Waka don start.

I sha hope what happens the last time I was in that particular Court doesn't happen.
Court was in session,the three Judges were talking,everywhere was dead silent.That was how I started coughing. Chai!I tried and tried to stifle it but the cough no stop.
I was horrified. I don't normally cough except if I have a cold.
And our case had been called. My colleague was talking.
How could I now leave him when he had already announced our appearances.
But the clerks were already giving me the evil eye ,the female judge was giving me the side eye.
When the "eyes" were becoming too much, I just carry all my books and orishirishi and slunk out of the courtroom.
I just abandoned my colleague to continue the talking and as soon as I stepped outside,

The Cough stopped.

P.S. My weekend starts from tomorrow after the Court sha. Friday I won't be at work.So I plan to make it count. 
Guess whose birthday it is tomorrow.
My awesome mum. 
I am still wondering what to get her sef. Maybe a new blackberry. It is kuku checking her own facebook, doing gbeborun on my dad's facebook and chatting with my brother on BBM that she does majorly with the one she has now.
Lemme not go and buy Android ehn and she will step up her game and and my dad will ask me who sent me message. hehe.

#ok bye. Its almost 1am and i am still typing this.


  1. Night crawlerrrr *shines torch in your eyes*
    This no be marriage list o... I'm sure there's a covenant going down that we are unaware of...

    1. Hehe. See person calling me night crawler.
      Lol @ covenant going down.The thing tire me too oh.

  2. Ms. Reese! I echo ur Uncle with the WTF! Hungry family. Lol @ ur Court Cough. I also appeal on ur Dad's behalf not to buy ur Mum anything capable of infringing on or disturbing ur Dad's privacy and peaceful existence. U people r troublesome. Let the man be.... :) - Harper

    1. Lol.God help you if you sef marry from Naija.I can see the list.
      3 lamborghini
      4 ferrari
      5 Million in cash
      Which one is privacy and peaceful existence again?
      Wetin be ur own sef? Supporters club.

    2. Emi omo?! Anybody that tries me with that kind of list.... Anyway, I'm sure that knowing me, the babe would have shut them down by herself. Cos I'll give her 2 options - a reasonable list or a Vegas drive-through wedding with no family member present. In fact, why marry at all sef? Just begin drop engine. Hehe... - Harper

  3. **shakes head** I can't deal mehn.....Hiya people...

    1. Hey swerrie. I miss your Bazooka oh. Whassup?

    2. Hey, Tibsy baby. How r u doing? - Harper

  4. Ha! Whattapun? Where did the cough come from na? Pls don't cough today oh.
    Happy birthday to Momma Reese!
    Ehen, back to that list, I just can't. Kilode?

    1. Lol!Nothing happun!
      No cough today Thank the Good Lord.
      No mind them and their list.

  5. The list is like those ones babalowos give to people . I pity the girl she go pe for bus stop

    1. Abi when she starts to "pe" nobody will teach them before they reduce it.

  6. After so much list they can't still remain in marriage shm

  7. Thanks for the post dear.....that cough is what I call abosi

  8. www.eniwealth79.blogspot.com25 September 2014 at 13:58

    Afi list of life na. On Zoe's uncle's behalf ''What the F-ing F?! LOL.Awon elebi!. Sorry about your cough, have a pleasant day in court today.

    1. Really elebi people.
      Thanks. Have a great day too.

  9. Replies
    1. Lol ms Cookie. Am coming by your blog next oh to steal a post.

  10. How did I miss this post?

    Is this story fiction? That's a vry ridiculous list! And y hand d envelope to ur mum? Una no get elders ni for una village?

    Anywys, if it's a truelife story, dat girl's family is sick upstairs and should go ahead n marry dir daughter!

    That ur cough in court Funmi, e get as e be o! Never experienced dt in court Anywy! Though if I did, would jst put up a straight face n step out... I no dey too send court with all those dir protocols.

    Pls dnt buy gift dt will increase ur mum's blood pressure o (gbegboron on ur dad)! Say me happy birthday to her*

    1. Lol. Na Zoe's post,Uncle and Mum oh.
      But as a yoruba girl,introduction is sometimes informal. Just a few friends and family sometimes.So her mum could have been given the list or the person given passed it to her.
      Even my mum,that's the first thing she will want to see if she follows anyone to go that type of place so as to know what was written and if its exorbitant.

    2. No mind that cough jare.
      Lol at BP. All ye supporters of my dad.

  11. LooooooooooooL. 3 apple laptops ke? The bride's family surely have taste.

    1. Dearest NSG...I practically hang out by your blog......more than two years after you write this comment.
      I still haven't stopped loving and reading what you write, and I comment,though with my real name.......