Saturday, 27 September 2014

Love,Tribe and Nationality

So we have HARPER to thank for this topic.
Does anyone know his real name? Does anyone else want to know or is it just me? hehe.

Basically he asked me if tribe was a Criterion for friendship or love.
 Of course for me it isn't. And i am sure he knew that but just wanted to wahala me.
Unfortunately people sometimes have reservations and misconceptions about some tribes or nationalities that might colour our perceptions.

I remember my reaction when my brother pinged me two days ago and mentioned that he was considering bringing his oyinbo girlfriend home for a visit when he visited Naija next.

Instead of me to say "Fine" and " When is it happening"? I imagined my mother's face when her darling son brought home an oyinbo fiancée (they aren't engaged oh,i was just envisaging) and Guess what my first reaction was?
"Ehnn! You better not"
And of course he was like " Excuse me? What did you say?

I realised that i didn't really have any opposition so i said
 "Emmm! I just meant what if you come home and then meet a girl you like more"? "Are you serious about her?"
 Cos bringing someone home all the way  to Naija no be joke. Besides they are in an LDR cos they met when he was schooling in one country, and now he is in another.
I am sure he was giving me the side eye where he was but truthfully i wasn't surprised cos ever since that boy traveled ehn na so so Indian, Oyinbo, European and Eastern European girls I dey see for him facebook.
I don't know how he doesn't meet Naija chicks oh.
In the end of course I told him whatever he wanted was ok.
I am an agbaya abi for even saying ehn! in the first place.

Today on our way to do birthday shopping my mum asked me about the same girl. He had already gisted her.
I braced myself for the worst.
And guess what? she was like "As long as he is happy and there is love.Its ok. At least he doesn't need her papers. Oyinbo girls only do shakara if they have papers and you don't. If the man doesn't depend on them to have a stay,then they respect themselves"
Toh! Me I don't know how valid that her theory is.
I was just amazed that she didn't make a fuss  although in retrospect I shouldn't have been amazed.
 The two of them are as thick as thieves.
The only thing she added was that she hoped the lady wasn't the nightclub going type. Smh.

But the whole issue made me smile at my first reaction to an oyinbo sister in law. Hehehe.
I realized I was projecting the misconceptions I had gotten from men I know who married Oyinbo women and wanted to come back home to Naija and the women refused,staying back with the kids. Some of them never saw their kids again.

However the truth is in matters of love and friendship it's unfair to to have a bias against any person because of where they come from. If there is love then nationality or tribe shouldn't matter.
A lot of famous people in Nigeria have married people from different countries and tribes.
Charly Boy's wife isn't Nigerian.
Osaze Odemwinge's wife isn't Nigerian.
Peter Psquare's  wife isn't Igbo.

Pic Source
I have a couple of friends who aren't Nigerian or even from my tribe and we get along famously.
The truth is some people even don't want to marry their country person or someone from the same tribe as them.
My boss is from the South South married to a Yoruba  and she said she never wanted to marry from her tribe.
So also are some of my friends and as far as I know they are having an awesome time.
Pic Source
In Nigeria there are still some reservations about marrying from some tribes oh.
This my same mother told me a long time ago that People from my town don't marry Ado-Ekiti people and Ijebu people.
Imagine! In my mind I was thinking "O-Y-O". lol
There are tribes in Benue state that don't like to marry each other at all at all. My colleague married a Benue man and when I asked if there were any oppositions she said her mother in law told her that she preferred her son marry a Yoruba lady than marry from a tribe in their state. Imagine!

Sometimes the reservations or bias are from family members with a lot of stories.
i.e Ibadan men have sweet mouth and lie a lot. Imagine.
That tribe is promiscuous.
Men from that tribe marry second wives.
That tribe kill their husbands and become landladies.
That tribe is stingy.
That tribe use their wives for rituals.
Ekiti people are Stubborn. Lol
That tribe likes parties too much.
Th women like having children for several men.
That tribe is dirty.
That tribe is this and that.

You see how biased we can be in this Naija?
And we are supposed to be one nation.
Now do you think this misconceptions have some basis or its just a matter of stereotyping.
What misconceptions have you found to be wrong about people from a tribe or a nation

Esther has a wonderful post about our inner tribal racism.

So guys! Whassup for this weekend?
I realised that I forgot to wish you happy weekend and ask what your plans were for the weekend.
Sorry! My mind was far far away.

Y'all know how I spent my Friday.
One word!
Birthday tins. Lol. It was fun sha. I was very emotionally drained but i had to dust it off,be happy and make it a memorable one for her.
Thanks for all the wishes, prayers and shout outs.
Zoe, Vira,Toinlicious, Duru ,Esther, Tosyne, Godwin and Harper.
I see all of you, and i am deeply grateful for everything.
I am still trying to figure out how to show her all your wonderful comments without her saying
 "Come oh!who is this Momma Reese" lol.
Will do so later today.

I was considering waiting till Monday to post cos i am a little down BUT Harper must have suspected that i was planning to be MIA so he added question to his own comment and is sha keeping me awake at past 3am answering the question. Ok ooo)

Here's a quick shout out to my friend.Thanks. Baby steps all right. I love you.


  1. So u want to know my real name, Ms. Reese? I only have to remain Harper for the sake of all my women, present and past (even future sef). My real name would mean that someone may read this blog someday and put two and two together. And many of these women r now married. I don't want wahala for them. See? I am actually a gentleman....hehehe

    Tribalism and racism have no place in my world. I attended King's College Lagos (new details!!!) and spent most of those years with three really great friends - one Igbo, one Fulani and one Tiv. We were inseparable and our tribal differences were only cause for us to laugh at! At that age I became totally de-tribalised.

    Now that I am older and wiser, I am pretty clear in my mind that good and bad people exist in every tribe, race and religion.

    But Ekiti people can be troublesome sha! Lmao!

    Cheer up, Ms. Reese! Enjoy ur weekend. I hail all!


    1. Throwing your question right back at you is a good way to go nah.
      I knew you were gonna run.
      Hehe. So that's just it. i get it but I didn't fall for that "gentleman" excuse sha.
      I went to a unity School. Great place to start having friends from all the tribes. You are right. Bad people plenty everywhere.
      Lol. I don't think so.
      Anyway dem sha know book.
      How many of them do you know sef?
      Sup with GOT.You v to gist me.

  2. Harper you berra come out n reveal your true identity so I'll know if I'm one of the past girlfriends *lol
    I knew a post like this was coming after I saw Harper's post yesterday... Love knows no bounds, I don't know any of your tribes but I love you all the same and I think we should teach unconditional love to our kids
    Hope u got Momma Reese a wonderful birthday present

    1. Esther, baby.....*winks....hehehe - Harper

    2. Hmm! I am beginning to suspect you both.
      If I had Harpers pic I would take out an ad and ask "Have you dated or had sex with this guy. Come for counselling" *runs away.*

      @ Esther. Should I call you prophetess?
      You are right. Love should know no bounds.And I love you too.
      Yep I did. She had fun. Thanks.

    3. What's Harper's blog? Send the link to my mail! Ama stalk his ass till I get a picture then we'll run that ad

    4. Hmmmm! No blog yet oh. He has refused to be persuaded.

  3. Definitely not!! Love should be the backbone of every relationship!

    making the world a better place

    1. You are right Oga Vic.
      How are you doing?

  4. now this post brought back some really (should I call it weird) memory........ I remembered when I just got admitted into the uni....... mum warned me never to date an igbo to school and it seems as if my body was calling igbo guys.......when any guy Am really into ask me out and I ask which tribe is he......immediately he says Am igbo....... my mum's voice will just echo in my head......... and right there the feelings will just die.......but that was then oh......... now I give no shit about tribe as long as the love is real.......

    Moment with Zoe

    1. No it isn't weird.
      My mum too used to gimme such warnings,i wonder how she has gotten so amenable this days.
      Lol @ my body calling Igbo guys.
      There was a time when it seemed like my body was calling bad boys.
      But ehm that body had to be subdued oh.

  5. Relationship has noting to do with tribe, my brother got married to a scottish lady last year and they have been doing fine, dey came to Nigeria for there traditional wedding and it was fun for everybody, I mean fun. Relationship has noting to do with tribe, like Esther said LOVE as no bound. Harper my guy why you dey hide na ki lo de hehehe. E be like say you done commit well o

    Happy weekend funmi

    1. Kai!Professor!
      Where was I when such a fun wedding was going on and you didn't invite me. Well done!
      Harper don commit oh. And he knows it. Thats why he's hiding his face.

    2. And have a great weekend too.

  6. Hmmmm!

    Before I got into uni, I could swear that I would never date or marry a guy that wasn't from my state.

    Buh during jamb days, guess wat? D 1st bobo dt entered my eyes was yoruba (and I am igbo). Couldn't believe it and yes we dated.

    The list goes on, and I have only one guy from my state in that list. Current boo, still not from my state!

    I have accepted my fate and erased that memory of I must marry my state. As I am now, I can even marry a white man.

    Love has nothing to do with where someone's from. Once the two hearts agree, nothing else matters.

    Funmi, cut big bros some slack u hear?

    1. Lol. I could have sworn pre jamb that I was going to marry a yoruba guy.
      But I have learnt a lot since then. The friends who are always there for me till date don't even speak my language nor understand it.
      He's actually my younger brother. I am the first. And a very bossy first

  7. Tribe should not be an issue at all - I think some people need to transition their mind

    1. Yep they totally need to transition their mind

  8. My husband is from Edo state and I am yoruba. love knows no bound o.

  9. Don't allow yourself to miss it

  10. U can't miss it