Saturday, 7 February 2015

Wedding Gist

Ghen! Ghen!
Wedding Gist don arrive!
Photo Source
Never mind that it's February 2015 and the two brides ( my colleague and my cousin's wife) fit don get belle sef cos my colleague has started exhibiting some suspicious symptoms.
Even my cousin's wife sef I can't guarantee that she never get belle cos they dated for about seven years without having sex (as he said oh cos I wasn't kuku there).
Come to think of it oh my colleague too married as a virgin.

Anyway! Gist is gist nah! No matter how late.
Particularly amebo gist; Always relevant.Lol
(If you are lost just read the background here).

So we finally got to the wedding venue that morning after tailor drama and Jeep overheating drama.
Can you imagine that the tailor didn't finish my sisters gown until like 10am that morning.
And we were still traveling cos the wedding was out of town. My dad was quietly pissed.
The church was almost over by the time we arrived but we sha managed to show face which was the koko. Our immediate family was just giving us the looks of "Are you supposed to just  be coming to wedding when all your mates have arrived siiiiiince"
My mum had already gone the day before nah so I don't know what my own was.

I had the unenviable task of shuttling between two venues oh but luckily they were like 15 minutes apart so it was easy.

The reception for my Cousin was beautifully decorated and full of people (Politicians and heavily painted ladies looking to snare an aristo or two included)
Although with all the money wasted spent it couldn't be anything else but beautiful.
We barely managed to find seats and squeeze ourselves in the back seats. As in so close to the door that a few minutes later we would find ourselves outside. And by we,I am talking about the whole  crew(the grooms mother's whole family and friends ) her twin brother included.

However we all knew the koko before the
wedding so nobody squeeze face too much.
Afterall na my cousin want big wedding.

I am happy to announce that trays did not pass me by but that was not much to be happy about because there were too many orisirisi on the menu, about six or seven different meal combinations plus starters and deserts to be happy with the rice I ate.
I sha managed to grab ofada,fried rice and a few drinks for myself. I tried abi. Fish,juice and wine  was just passing me by. But I consoled myself with the rice and maltina in front of me.

Madam step mother was just prancing around
the hall frustrating all my aunt's

She no allow my aunt take any pic with her
(their )husband oh.
She made sure she photo bombed inserted herself  positioned herself into any picture of parents of the couple or grooms parents.
In short any picture where my aunt could be mistaken as her husband's wife,never mind that she was the groom's mother.

I am sure a lot of people mistook her for the groom's mother.
With the same clothes she wore with the groom's parents and all.
It was hilarious and sad at the same time.
I don't know how some people think but it's not
my mess so na dem sabi.

All the gifts that were given to the couple,my
cousin's father( on the prodding of madam step mother I am sure) took the expensive ones on
the grounds that they were given to him and not the son as it was his friends and fellow politicians that brought it.
The one that pained me pass is one big curved led screen tv that I saw.
That Tv was gigantic mehn.
So let's just say all the parties are now barely speaking to each other.

Cousin is mad at his dad for giving steppie so much room to make money from his wedding.
His mum is mad at the dad and steppie  for the embarrassment of having to ask steppie for food at her son's wedding and all the millions steppie was rumoured to have made.

The step siblings are mad at their dad for spending so much on their step brothers wedding when he didn't do so for them.
Step mum is mad at hubby for spending so much and inviting his mistresses to the wedding. And also because her kids are too young to get married and eat out of the national cake.

But honestly what were they expecting?
The man tried sef in the circumstances. He spent millions on that wedding.
He took over virtually all the expenses: Clothing for the couple,all the parents, decoration,hotel booking, food,cake, rings,
 aso ebi for the family,and ankara for the "mogbo moya"

My colleagues wedding was low key so no biggie. It was drama free.I was too full( with the rice lol) from my cousins wedding to eat there

By the time it was evening, I just carried all my property and informed anybody that was interested that I was going back home oh.
I felt a tad guilty for abandoning my folks cos my dad's vehicle needed to be seen to before it could travel but I just close eye and wished them bye bye.
My sister too followed me.
Disloyal daughters lol.

They ended up staying for about 3 days there before they eventually found the elusive part.
I was so happy I abandoned them. I don't like sleeping in beds that aren't mine jare.

And I have not heard from my cousin since then. Sigh!

99th post done.
100th post loading.
Prepare your questions, you could also email them to I will be sure to reply.

Post a comment below! And be sure to turn up or down as the case may be for the 100th post.


  1. Why do Yoruba step-mothers never know their place? Smh. - Harper

    1. Hmm!I feel like the husbands are partly to blame. I feel like their wives sometimes overlap their boundaries especially regarding the kids because the husbands allow it.
      My aunt would have been able to deal with Steppie if not for the dad who is bankrolling everything.
      Lol @ yoruba step-mothers.

  2. Hian! Na wa for steppie o, even gifts!!!! As regards photobombing, eni eleni o ku ni gba ishe wa she lojo eye wa. (No one else will take our place on the day of our celebration) Big NAWA for her.
    LOL. @ the trays. Pele dear. If nothing, at least you fed your eyes.

    1. My sister! Even gifts oh.
      Abi! At least there was stuff to see if nothing else.

  3. heheheheheheheheheehhe lmao! no be small gist oh! lwkmdo.. Nawa oh! Please does your cousin have a sister that is my age, cause me i can like this kinda osho free wedding oh! So his Father bought the Ring and join,.... Ossshhheeey! I want to be like the father when I grow up mbok! hehehehe Now it is interesting how life is ba?! how Step mothers can want to collect all the glory like they bore the child? well i feel for her to do so, she must have sacrificed an amount into the child life sha... But to those in those situation, i can only say "the lord is your muscle and biceps"..

    Bet wait Funmi!!! since 19kokoro you are just sharing this story.. i remember the Part 1 nah! nawa oh! your own worse pass Bollywood, na 3 years interval them they take do part 1 and Part 2... You are a wonderful human being Bubba aswear.. Thank you so much for the Support on the YnC blog, you give me a reason to keep writing... Turn up Turn up ladies and Gentlemen... Funmi Resse for Governor of Blogsville.. And the crowd goses.. Ooossssheeeey! Cheers Bubba. xx

    1. Lol Duru!He's the last child of his mother. No single sister.
      Abi oh! At least I eventually wrote it.
      You are welcome dear. Knowing you has been so much fun.

    2. Dear Funmi toh sure, you have started oh! 1post/21 days is not fair nah! Shey be you know that one young and confused 23 years 3 months 6 day old child comes here weekly.. Pretty please na Funmi, update...I beg you in the name of Zenith bank... Mbok... Oya lemme threaten you, If you dont update ehn, i will tell Vira of for you **Walks away with head down.. **In Terminators voice.. I will be back. :)

    3. Lol.
      It's even God that it's Vira you are reporting me to.
      Ehm pls who are we reporting Vira to?Because me sef I want to report her for her numerous

    4. hahahahahahah :) You are amazingly funny by default Bubba aswear.. Wait Dear #TeamFR Shey you people are seeing what Funmi is doing oh?! Since February 7! February 7.. February 1,2,3,4,5,6,7.. She has been Awol. Thats 432 hours= 18 days= 2 weeks 4 days before you will know nah ehn, it will coman goan reach 1 month.. No! god forbid.. Funmi **Draws ears.. take ya time oH!!!!!! :) Update Biko.. I beg you in the name of Oga Abuja. :)

    5. Duru! Dis one you are counting 1,2,3.
      Anyway update loading.

  4. Ah Fummi, you should have garnished this gist with wedding pishures naw

    1. Lol. You want Steppie to find out she's featuring on blogsville abi! One glance at the clothes/decor/venue and you know which wedding it is.

  5. Lol @ heavily painted ladies - I'm sure they were looking like masquerades. What an eventful wedding it was! The stress, food, etc - nawa for that very dramatic step mother - I know some people like her and they need to chill before they become hypertensive.

    How are you dear?

    1. Yep! Some of them seemed to think make up warded off old age and so piled it on.
      Very dramatic wedding! I am just glad it's over.

    2. Yep! Some of them seemed to think make up warded off old age and so piled it on.
      Very dramatic wedding! I am just glad it's over.

  6. Well.. The wedding went cool

    1. Yeah! It did.
      And that's the most important thing.

  7. This is why I don't like weddings. Or at least naija weddings. From introduction to engagement to wedding, all na drama. One aunty fighting one uncle because of souvenir or the groom's family fighting the bride's family because of an overbearing mother, there always seems to be drama. I remember some so called friends of my mother (God rest her soul) coming to my sister's wedding and crying like it was my mum's funeral all over again. Plus me with you I don't send attitude telling them off and practically chasing them from the venue. Thankfully my own stepmom is awesome.

    Why do Nigerians like this kind of drama? Who is getting married and who is trying to hog the spotlight? We forget that it should be about the couple being joined and make it about showing off and competition. As for me, give me a small wedding in a chapel and an invite only reception for 200 people at most and I'll be the happiest groom alive.

    1. I feel you jare.If I could have twenty people at my wedding I would be happy.However that's kinda impossible.
      My office people are like 40 not to talk of those in other states talkless of family.
      I kinda feel a lot of the drama will be avoided if all parties concentrated on the couple and their big day instead of their egos and pride.
      For Naija weddings there is almost always drama.
      Can you imagine the people crying at the wedding? I know it was probably emotional for them but how did they expect you kids to feel?smh.
      Lol @ chasing them off. They probably didn't like that.
      You are lucky with your stepmum.
      Thanks for your comment and welcome.

  8. Family Drama! Who doesn't have them?!