Monday, 3 November 2014

Social media relationships and bias

Hi guys,
Happy new Month and week. I pray that sweet November lives up to its name for all of us.Amen.
For all of una that have to go to work, sorry oh!
I have a week off and I am just chilling.

This Monday, we are examining the bias some people have against love and friendship found via social media.

Now, most people have a very traditional view of where people find love. i.e Boy sees a fine girl at the mall, in college, or they are neighbors or colleagues, in a restaurant, introduced by friends or family,meet at events, in the bus,train, cab, (molue,keke marwa) hehe, he approaches her, she likes him, she agrees and they fall in love.
However this is the 21st century. And I have come to the realization that things are changing.
Love is now found in the oddest of places and even if not odd, at least via non traditional channels.

So let's take social media for instance. Some people still have a bias against what they term "facebook love". And even though I can't blame them it's a bit jarring.
When Mr Abuja came on his last "surprise " visit (otherwise called the one that broke the camels back hehe) He said his mum said "Hope it's not one of this facebook girls".

And I had to laugh. I have a facebook account,so do millions of other women.
Does that make me unmarriagable for her dear son and other mothers's dear sons  Or am I permitted to have a facebook account but finding love on it somehow makes me loose?
I am really puzzled.
And it's not just the older folks, I notice it among people in my age range too.
Somehow telling your friends that you met someone online is met with raised eye brows.
If you want to kill them just say you met him or her on a dating site.hehe.
Somehow even if they don't tell you, In most of their minds the relationship isn't going anywhere.
And if per chance shit happens like it almost always does even in real life, then they blame it on how you met them.

Now does how you meet someone determine how the relationship eventually end up?
A rough translation of a yoruba adage says that a lady you meet through dance will eventually dance out of the relationship.
So in short the adage coiners do not see anything good coming out of that

All ye Nightclub goers. What say ye? Any experience in that regard?
Are all the people in a nightclub inherently undateable?
Aren't they the same people that still go to church and malls.
Same goes for Facebook,Twitter,Instagram and co.

Or could the fear some people have as regards to meeting people online be because they fear that social media bonds aren't as deep as those you have with people you met via traditional means.
Thus making it easy to cut off.
For instance one might be more inclined to make a relationship work if he/she was your family friend you have known for ages.

Note that this bias also applies to online friendships.
 For some people,friendship with social media as its foundation isn't as solid or as strong as real life friendships.
However the truth is real life friends also mess up. A friend who will mess up will do so irrespective of how they met.
On the flip side, there are also friends in real life who are like sisters or brothers to you and who have been with you at key points in your life. Those ones who know you better than yourself.

Another fear is that a lot of people hide behind the facade of social media and it may be difficult to know their real selves because they can chose to have any kind of personality.
When you get to know them better or meet them in person the illusion shatters thereby revealing the real person underneath such facade.
Social media tends to be an avenue for people to hide their flaws.
Many a woman has been aghast to discover that the Adonis she has been chatting to online is actually just five feet tall and not as handsome or as charming in person.

Personally,I have met a number of people both male and female online and through social media.
In fact ehn before facebook I had friends I met through yahoo.
I am still friends with some of them while time and chance has separated me and the others.
But I didn't notice any difference in them as a result of how we met.
They are still the same person that they would have been had we met through friends or in a cab or in college.

 It must be said that the spate of kidnappings,rape and murder that seem to happen nowadays through social media hookups don't seem to help the course of social media dating. A lot of desperate scammers, thieves  and unsavory characters seem to lurk in the deep alleys of social media seeking to lure some unlucky people to dire ends.
Most of them take advantage of the lure social media hook ups seem to hold for some men and women.

I read on a blog last week that a female student had been declared missing after having left a night club with a guy.
The Cynthia girl who was murdered is a facebook hook up with an unfortunate ending.
I am sure that other numerous cases of looting and rape as a result of on line hook ups abound that we haven't heard of.
However this doesn't still erase the fact that the internet,twitter, facebook and co have also done their fair share in linking a people together. Not only when it comes to love and casual hook ups but business, religion wise etc.
A lot of people are married now that met on social media.
They started an online relationship, met and saw what they liked (I assume),hit it off and now are married.
So Guys!

Have you ever dated someone you met through social media.
Would you marry someone you met through social media.
Do you have friends you met through social media?
How close are you to them? Is there any difference between how you feel about them and the real life ones?


  1. I use to av a negative one sided story about online relationship but i've come to realise that it doesn't mean. People u know in real life can offend you so what's d big deal? Tunde Leye just married Folusho and they met via twitter.

    I once dated a guy i met on 2go for that matter (I never liked 2go but then i dunno y i went there) and really i can say it was a very emotional and lovely relationship. Even now we've broken up we are still friends and i was the curse of the break up. I respect that guy and in my life he's still the only guy that understands me more and we were so close.

    In conclusion, we shouldn't be biased bout online relationships cos even d people u grew up with can betray u. Prayers and being careful is the way forward.

    1. Yep I read about Tunde and Folusho on your blog.
      Lol @dunno why you went to 2go.
      Heya! Why did you now break It off nah. He sounds cool.
      I agree with your conclusion jare.

    2. Temidayo, I want to advice you to go back to that guy if he's available and still wants you. There's nothing like being with a guy who would go to the moon for you because he understands you and wants you to be happy. I know sometimes the attention could get a bit much but it's way better than being with someone who you'll have to keep outdoing yourself to please. Don't be among the girls who made the mistake of choosing rocks over diamonds.

  2. Yes, I've dated many guys I met on social media (na me be the champion that time) and I've met friends there and we are best buddies!
    People meet anywhere and I like to say it is people like me that are behind social media accounts and there are fake people in the real world like there are on social media too.
    If it works for you, fine. We need to stop the stereotype too, my bestie's parents met in the club and they've been married for over 3 decades! I know some that met in the church that didn't stand the test of time.
    All in all, wisdom is the principal thing.

    1. Lol @ champion that time.
      I agree that where you meet isn't any type of guarantee. I have noticed that some of those that meet in church face challenges.

    2. Amaka, a bone crushing hug has been reserved for you for this awesome comment you made. I see nothing wrong with dating someone that you met on social media - I have dated someone that I met on social media and people have dated and married as well. Transitioning our mind is needed - This is the 21st century!

      How are you, Funmi? I have missed this blog!

    3. I agree with you babe.
      This is the 21st century.
      I am fine. I have missed you too.

    4. I totally agree with Amaka on this one. It doesn't matter where you meet. The place you meet doesn't determine how well the relationship will be. Nice one

  3. This matter has k-leg for me o..... I have my reservations on relationships from social media, friendships no wahala.... i just v the strong feeling that it's headed for the rocks from the beginning.
    Nice post Funmi Reese.... you have an award on my blog today o

  4. This matter has k-leg to me o
    I have these strong feelings that relationships born from social media are headed for the rocks even from the start.... Friendships can blossom no wahala, but relationships?
    Nice one babe.... You have an award to pick from the blog today

    1. I think relationships that emanate from social media have their challenges but they can sometimes work.
      Thanks for the award. Hugs

  5. Nice post as usual. My daddy warns against the online dating too. lol. Even long distance relationship sef, the man no dey gree. He says two of his friend's daughters are married to men in obodo oyinbo and unto no, visa, passport or whatever sheets of papers, their husbands have remarried abroad, while they're here wallowing in, ''he will come back and settle here because of me''. No child(ren) and they are unable to remarry.
    I have never dated anybody I met online, but I've tried dating people I met through other known persons* and na disaster. I won't be doing that ever again. The talk is in the eyes from now on!

    1. Arrrrgh! See how these two have given others a bad name? I'd like to say that as adults, they decided they wanted to get married because they wanted to due to some reasons and probably to dispose of the Nigerian wife that was probably forced on them by their parents *just saying*

    2. That abroad eish I no dey at all at allmeven though my parents were there for a while then my mum came back to naija while my dad remained for a while. Granted,they saw each other often but I still don't like LDM.
      How much more when the guy leaves a wife here and now marries another woman over there. Smh.
      Funny enough I also don't have much luck with guys I am match made with or introduced to.
      "Talk is in the eyes". Lol.true.

  6. Whichever way though, meeting someone through social media enjoins for SHINE YOUR EYES WELLA tins o. One needs to be extra careful. I have seen beautiful marriages that started from social media and I have seen others that were disastrous.

    1. I agree. It could go either way. One needs to be be extra careful.

  7. First time Commenter saying hi and begging your leave to weigh in on this topic. I believe how you meet is less important than how well you get to know each other. You can school or work in the same place with someone for years and never actually say a word to each other but if you meet each other later on there's an assumption of acquaintanceship. Yet you would probably no much more about someone you met online and have been communicating with regularly. However one must be realistic about meeting people online. Video calling helps confirm you're not being catfished and there must be a commitment to meeting before any expectations are assumed. In real terms online dating is just the modern face of arranged relationships. All those who support arranged marriage or blind dating but are opposed to online dating should really take time to define exactly what they're opposed to.

    1. Welcome! Cyclone. Feel free to comment away.
      I agree with everything you said.
      Lol @ catfished. Is that d new word for 419ed?
      U are right. Arranged marriage/blind dating/online dating all have the same premise.

  8. See en, i used to be one of those with "Social media peeps, no frigging way!" but girl, i have met some awesomely amazing people off social media so i honestly won't totally knock it. I'll be very careful though.

    1. Yeah! Nobody should totally knock it cos one never knows.

  9. Where do I begin? Read this link or click on my name.

    1. Lol. Why you no come fall for the mtv/timbaland dressing and his rhymes nah?
      You could have mingled and be tingled for being singled out by the twitter bringle. #okbye#

  10. Ah. Funmi,me I have met some awesome friends from twitter!! I tend to stay away from facebook people though x_x. They can be really creepy tbh. How will someone be sending you love messages everyday and you don't know the person or ever spoken to them? Hian. Mbanu.

    1. Hi Cassie.I love me some twitter too.
      Lol @ some people can be creepy on facebook. Some people have boundary issues.

  11. Lol I can totally relate! I'm a bit wary of social media male friends though. I usually keep my "social media friendliness" to my own gender. I know its wrong to have such a bias n'all *covers eyes*

    Just found your blog from Tnote's funny tale. Now following :)!

    1. Hi Cee. Welcome.
      TNotes is a master tale spinner.
      As for me, I have them (male and female) social media friends in equal measure.
      Thanks for following.