Monday, 3 November 2014
Social media relationships and bias
Happy new Month and week. I pray that sweet November lives up to its name for all of us.Amen.
For all of una that have to go to work, sorry oh!
I have a week off and I am just chilling.
This Monday, we are examining the bias some people have against love and friendship found via social media.
Now, most people have a very traditional view of where people find love. i.e Boy sees a fine girl at the mall, in college, or they are neighbors or colleagues, in a restaurant, introduced by friends or family,meet at events, in the bus,train, cab, (molue,keke marwa) hehe, he approaches her, she likes him, she agrees and they fall in love.
However this is the 21st century. And I have come to the realization that things are changing.
Love is now found in the oddest of places and even if not odd, at least via non traditional channels.
So let's take social media for instance. Some people still have a bias against what they term "facebook love". And even though I can't blame them it's a bit jarring.
When Mr Abuja came on his last "surprise " visit (otherwise called the one that broke the camels back hehe) He said his mum said "Hope it's not one of this facebook girls".
And I had to laugh. I have a facebook account,so do millions of other women.
Does that make me unmarriagable for her dear son and other mothers's dear sons Or am I permitted to have a facebook account but finding love on it somehow makes me loose?
I am really puzzled.
And it's not just the older folks, I notice it among people in my age range too.
Somehow telling your friends that you met someone online is met with raised eye brows.
If you want to kill them just say you met him or her on a dating site.hehe.
Somehow even if they don't tell you, In most of their minds the relationship isn't going anywhere.
And if per chance shit happens like it almost always does even in real life, then they blame it on how you met them.
Now does how you meet someone determine how the relationship eventually end up?
A rough translation of a yoruba adage says that a lady you meet through dance will eventually dance out of the relationship.
So in short the adage coiners do not see anything good coming out of that scenario.lol.
All ye Nightclub goers. What say ye? Any experience in that regard?
Are all the people in a nightclub inherently undateable?
Aren't they the same people that still go to church and malls.
Same goes for Facebook,Twitter,Instagram and co.
Or could the fear some people have as regards to meeting people online be because they fear that social media bonds aren't as deep as those you have with people you met via traditional means.
Thus making it easy to cut off.
For instance one might be more inclined to make a relationship work if he/she was your family friend you have known for ages.
Note that this bias also applies to online friendships.
For some people,friendship with social media as its foundation isn't as solid or as strong as real life friendships.
However the truth is real life friends also mess up. A friend who will mess up will do so irrespective of how they met.
On the flip side, there are also friends in real life who are like sisters or brothers to you and who have been with you at key points in your life. Those ones who know you better than yourself.
Another fear is that a lot of people hide behind the facade of social media and it may be difficult to know their real selves because they can chose to have any kind of personality.
When you get to know them better or meet them in person the illusion shatters thereby revealing the real person underneath such facade.
Social media tends to be an avenue for people to hide their flaws.
Many a woman has been aghast to discover that the Adonis she has been chatting to online is actually just five feet tall and not as handsome or as charming in person.
Personally,I have met a number of people both male and female online and through social media.
In fact ehn before facebook I had friends I met through yahoo.
I am still friends with some of them while time and chance has separated me and the others.
But I didn't notice any difference in them as a result of how we met.
They are still the same person that they would have been had we met through friends or in a cab or in college.
It must be said that the spate of kidnappings,rape and murder that seem to happen nowadays through social media hookups don't seem to help the course of social media dating. A lot of desperate scammers, thieves and unsavory characters seem to lurk in the deep alleys of social media seeking to lure some unlucky people to dire ends.
Most of them take advantage of the lure social media hook ups seem to hold for some men and women.
I read on a blog last week that a female student had been declared missing after having left a night club with a guy.
The Cynthia girl who was murdered is a facebook hook up with an unfortunate ending.
I am sure that other numerous cases of looting and rape as a result of on line hook ups abound that we haven't heard of.
However this doesn't still erase the fact that the internet,twitter, facebook and co have also done their fair share in linking a people together. Not only when it comes to love and casual hook ups but business, religion wise etc.
A lot of people are married now that met on social media.
They started an online relationship, met and saw what they liked (I assume),hit it off and now are married.
Have you ever dated someone you met through social media.
Would you marry someone you met through social media.
Do you have friends you met through social media?
How close are you to them? Is there any difference between how you feel about them and the real life ones?