When you manage to avoid the phone calls social media makes it worse! They can stalk you literally on Skype, send u messages on facebook, twitter, bbm chat and whatsap.
One went as far as asking my supervisor at work to help convince me to marry him.lol
The weird thing is they are usually the marrying kind if only I could say the magical yes word.
But I can't. Cos I hate it when a guy is all over me and I don't feel the same way.
Worse, they are usually convinced that they can change my mind. After a while they temporarily disappear and give me a sudden call months or years later convinced I would have seen reason and be euphoric at their reappearance.
No Way! If I didn't like you then,i wont like you in thirty years even if you come back as a potato. Lol!
When it comes to friendships I don't allow first impressions cloud my mind. I usually get to know and understand what kind of person you are and if we can get along but when it comes to men, within a short while of meeting you,i usually know if we are gonna date or not and if it's long term or short term.
Not that I am a beauty queen or anything but I believe in connection and reciprocal love. If I marry a guy cos he likes me then what happens to me?
He is happy cos he got what he wanted.I know I would grow to resent and dislike anyone I don't have feelings for, grow irritated at solicitous guestions. Worse still, if I met a man I loved I wouldn't think twice about leaving him.
Should'nt I just avoid all that drama now?
I know some men have succeeded in convincing women as to their sincerity through their consistent show of love but in my case that has never been the case. It seems to be more of trying to force my hand.
What's your take on my position? Too harsh? Or exactly what I need
Make a comment below.
I'm all for reciprocal love. Like u, I can tell within the first 5mins if I'm attracted to a girl, if it's purely for sex or something deeper. But my definition of Chemistry seems to have evolved with age. Don't get me wrong - I still love me a big booty - but other stuff seems to count a lot more these days. Stuff like her intelligence, calmness, etc. I must be getting old! Lol! Anyway, my point is don't overdo the "irritant" thing cos ur definitions will evolve. Stay as pleasant as possible cos u never know. - Harper
ReplyDeleteI pegged you for a woman for some reason.my mistake.
DeleteAnyway you are right! Definitions do evolve.What I want now are miles different from what I did when I was younger. Still the same basics but not in the same quantity or rigidity as I used to.
i do try to be nice. At first.But that quickly changes when they start driving me crazy. I don't get unpleasant.i just stop picking their calls and hope they get the message.A little softening and most times they think you must secretly like them.
Lol @big booty.
Woman ke? Lol! What is the extreme opposite? :) I have learnt not to vouch for the actions of all my brothers so I know some of us can be total irritants. But ur strategy makes sense. Decline as nicely as possible. But wait o! U must be a very wifely type of girl to keep getting these proposals. There r many women praying to have this "problem". Lol
DeleteLol @ wifely. I do try my best but I doubt it's anything I do.Men can be funny.
DeleteBut I do think men too go through that phase of liking those that don't like them and ignoring those who do.i see it happen a lot with my brother. The flashy types he likes usually mess up and he ignores the (to borrow your word) "wifely" ones who are crazy about him.
Food for thought ehn!
Lol! Yes o! It's our way. I remember being 19 and hot (cough). Had a nice job (it was possible to graduate from a Nigerian Uni at that age, back then) and drove a rather nice car. I attracted all the wrong girls in Lagos but loved them all! Didn't slow down till I was 25 or so. I know many 40yr olds in Lagos who still haven't slowed down. Lol! I hope ur brother started early so he can stop early. - Harper
DeleteSounded like you had all the fun back then.
DeleteI agree.I think its better to have done all that and slowed down.Those who have no fun in their youth and rediscover it in their forties are even worse than those who don't slow down at all.
At least any woman who marries the latter knows what she is in for. Imagine marrying a staid predictable man who has never smoked a cigarette in his life, doesn't know what oral sex is and has never cheated, suddenly discover what hes being 'missing" in his forties and goes at it like a child who has never had sugar.
Chaos i tell you.
Better to do it all and get it out of your system.
Hmm! my brother. Havent seen him in a while so i kinda hope he has slowed down.He started in his 20s and is almost 27 now. one can hope being in a strange country has slowed him down somewhat sha.
I think you are too harsh about the guy getting what he wants and you not getting what you want in him. I believe women fare better in marriage when your spouse cares so much for you that He puts more into the relationship cause He cannot bear to lose you than you having to literally fighting to keep his attentionand ccommitment so as to build yourhome
ReplyDeleteI feel you. I have heard the same thing from a lot of older person.
DeleteI just feel i deserve to also like the guy a little and be happy .i can be very unfeeling if i don't like a guy. What kind of marriage would we then have?
I agree with you totally. What's the point if he's happy and I'm not? I'll feel like a fraud and then ens up resenting him and I HATE when guys firmly believe that they can change your mind. If I didn't like you, it won't change now.
ReplyDeleteYes babe. I feel you jare.
DeleteI feel a lot of broken marriages result from one spouse or both not caring enough to make it work.
Who does he deserve happiness and I don't?
Any guy that thinks he can change my mind is O-Y-O.